| 7:44 PM |
A Featured Author |
The following post comes from Mrs. Emily Ryan (formerly Day, click here for her blog), who is witty and funny and delightful. That's why I would accept a submission from her, but if you aren't funny don't even try to get me to post your complaints. I mostly only like when people say funny things and since most of you are totally boring and lame you have no hope of ever getting your pathetic complaints posted on this high-quality literary forum. Any of my thoughts are in italics after her bits. Thanks to Emily for her complaints. Here it goes.
1. You may have listed this before but I LOATHE when people WrItE LiKe ThIs. It's not cute, it's not amusing, it's freaking stupid. Seriously. Stupid. I'm going to go ahead and assume the majority of the population went to school and completed the state-mandated 12 grade levels. Somewhere along the line, you should have learned about pesky details such as punctuation and capitalization. At least I'm hoping so. It's really, really NOT cute. I believe I did write about this a while ago. The passing of time has only served to strengthen my feelings of disgust towards the use of improper spelling. I can understand an honest mistake- language is complicated and it can be hard to get it right every time, especially if you are studid. But at least try instead of attempting to pass off your ignorance as cutesy crap.
2. I know you've used this before, but it may need to be said again. No one wants to listen to your crappy music when they read your blog. If you have music on your blog, I'm not going to read it. It's a personal policy I've adopted. I don't want to hear the crap you listen to. Furthermore, if you music is crappy enough, I'm going to assume I shouldn't be your friend anyway because I prefer people with decent taste.
3. People who blog about nothing but their children. Seriously, I adore my children. However, I'm aware that not everyone else is as enamored with them as I am. Sure a post every now and then with photos of a birthday party, holiday celebration, a trip to the zoo or kindergarten graduation is perfectly acceptable. But if all I see every time I get on your blog is pictures from your semi-weekly trip to the park, then suffice it to say I've seen it before and I'm bored. Blog about something else. Tell the public something funny your kids did or said. Or really step out of the box and tell us something interesting about yourself. I mean, if you have nothing interesting to say about yourself, then I can't read your blog. Reading about nothing but everyone's kids is particularly boring for those of us who don't have children.
4. People who don't hang out with anyone but their siblings. I'm freaking sick and tired of people who's blogs and facebook status' (or is it stati?) only say "met my sissies for dinner" or "went shopping with my sisters today". If you haven't hung out with anyone but your sisters for the past year, guess what? No one likes you! Your personality sucks and chances are you AND your sisters are self-absorbed idiots who need to have a fat slice of humble pie and attempt to branch out a little. (I have a couple of people specifically in mind but I'll keep identities to myself) Uh Oh. I think this one is about me! But I still pretty much agree with it- it is pretty lame to not at least attempt to branch out, plus I will kill anyone who uses the words 'sissies' in real life.
5. People who find sick satisfaction in gossiping about anyone and anything. Pretty much if you're gossiping about people you don't even know that well, then you suck as a person. Furthermore, it's always the mudslingers who are the first to be butt-hurt when something is said about them. Whatever happened to "if you dish it out you better be able to take it". (again, someone in particular in mind)
6. People who blog about coupons. Seriously, I don't give a crap how much money you saved at Albertson's last week. And I absolutely do not need photographic evidence of the great deals. What do you want me to do? Send you a blue ribbon? I don't care about your finances or your coupons. I'd much rather read something interesting. Try something funny, if you're capable or humor. Scratch that, if you're blogging about coupons, humor is probably not your strong suit.
7. People who think Mormons are freaks. All of my co-workers are non-members. And they all used to think Mormons were some kind of sub-species of alien or something. Not actually alien, but until they met me, they thought Mormons were weird. I'll admit, some are. And those give the rest of us a bad reputation. So if you think Mormons are freaks, we're not. And if you're a Mormon who IS a freak, knock it off because you're ruining it for the rest of us. This goes for you Ms. Karen!!
1. You may have listed this before but I LOATHE when people WrItE LiKe ThIs. It's not cute, it's not amusing, it's freaking stupid. Seriously. Stupid. I'm going to go ahead and assume the majority of the population went to school and completed the state-mandated 12 grade levels. Somewhere along the line, you should have learned about pesky details such as punctuation and capitalization. At least I'm hoping so. It's really, really NOT cute. I believe I did write about this a while ago. The passing of time has only served to strengthen my feelings of disgust towards the use of improper spelling. I can understand an honest mistake- language is complicated and it can be hard to get it right every time, especially if you are studid. But at least try instead of attempting to pass off your ignorance as cutesy crap.
2. I know you've used this before, but it may need to be said again. No one wants to listen to your crappy music when they read your blog. If you have music on your blog, I'm not going to read it. It's a personal policy I've adopted. I don't want to hear the crap you listen to. Furthermore, if you music is crappy enough, I'm going to assume I shouldn't be your friend anyway because I prefer people with decent taste.
3. People who blog about nothing but their children. Seriously, I adore my children. However, I'm aware that not everyone else is as enamored with them as I am. Sure a post every now and then with photos of a birthday party, holiday celebration, a trip to the zoo or kindergarten graduation is perfectly acceptable. But if all I see every time I get on your blog is pictures from your semi-weekly trip to the park, then suffice it to say I've seen it before and I'm bored. Blog about something else. Tell the public something funny your kids did or said. Or really step out of the box and tell us something interesting about yourself. I mean, if you have nothing interesting to say about yourself, then I can't read your blog. Reading about nothing but everyone's kids is particularly boring for those of us who don't have children.
4. People who don't hang out with anyone but their siblings. I'm freaking sick and tired of people who's blogs and facebook status' (or is it stati?) only say "met my sissies for dinner" or "went shopping with my sisters today". If you haven't hung out with anyone but your sisters for the past year, guess what? No one likes you! Your personality sucks and chances are you AND your sisters are self-absorbed idiots who need to have a fat slice of humble pie and attempt to branch out a little. (I have a couple of people specifically in mind but I'll keep identities to myself) Uh Oh. I think this one is about me! But I still pretty much agree with it- it is pretty lame to not at least attempt to branch out, plus I will kill anyone who uses the words 'sissies' in real life.
5. People who find sick satisfaction in gossiping about anyone and anything. Pretty much if you're gossiping about people you don't even know that well, then you suck as a person. Furthermore, it's always the mudslingers who are the first to be butt-hurt when something is said about them. Whatever happened to "if you dish it out you better be able to take it". (again, someone in particular in mind)
6. People who blog about coupons. Seriously, I don't give a crap how much money you saved at Albertson's last week. And I absolutely do not need photographic evidence of the great deals. What do you want me to do? Send you a blue ribbon? I don't care about your finances or your coupons. I'd much rather read something interesting. Try something funny, if you're capable or humor. Scratch that, if you're blogging about coupons, humor is probably not your strong suit.
7. People who think Mormons are freaks. All of my co-workers are non-members. And they all used to think Mormons were some kind of sub-species of alien or something. Not actually alien, but until they met me, they thought Mormons were weird. I'll admit, some are. And those give the rest of us a bad reputation. So if you think Mormons are freaks, we're not. And if you're a Mormon who IS a freak, knock it off because you're ruining it for the rest of us. This goes for you Ms. Karen!!