Complaining Blog

Welcome oh ye Hearers of Complaints!  I have been invited on as an anonymous guest-poster to complaining blog.  I hope I can live up to the humorous whining that has taken place so far on the forum for fomenting fault-finding, fabulous fretting, and fussiness flaunting fecundity.

The topic - Ocupy Wall Street (I refuse to use OWS, as only important or useful things should have acronyms.  Whenever I read a story that uses OWS, I always ask myself "Which year?  Will they have potions & defense against the dark arts?").  Protestors used to need a reason to protest.  They used to need some unifying theme or list of demands.  But our society has now managed to produce a breed of near pubescent "revolters" that require neither message nor reason.  They think that sleeping in their filth, committing crimes, screaming at bank walls (google it), and public urination are sufficient for a complaint and will somehow increase public dialogue.

Also, apparently there is some outrage about a "pepper spray" incident.  It looks kinda bad, but you have to ask yourself, "if it is illegal to camp there, and the police ask you to move, and you lock arms so they cannot move you, would you rather have a broken arm or pepper spray in the face?"  But luckily, we have the all-wise media to show us an example of police brutality and explain to us why Obamavillians are in the right again.

Good news, though.  I have a few solutions.  Set up a Job Fair in Zuccotti park and you will not believe how fast Obamaville will clear right out.  Alternatively, for all those who are risking their lives or breaking laws to get into our country for its opportunities, in an attempt to flee their povery-stricken, socialist countries, we could make a trade straight across.  In fact, we'll give you two of our protestors for one of your hard workers.  The protestors can go and love socialism together with the countries that have already adopted their policies.  It's mostly too bad they can't afford a boat ticket to Europe, where all their socialist ideals are continuing to create the utopia they dream of.  First stop, Greece.  Make sure to bring your tent and your bucket... you are going to need them.

It's been 3 years of glorious complaints. Glorious. I feel like after all this time I should bring forth an issue that I have only briefly addressed in prior posts. Nevertheless, this topic must be mentioned. The reasons it must be addressed are three fold. 1) It is super-fugly. 2) I want all the world to be clear on my feelings for this "situation". 3) I have hopes that additional public mockery will make the offending parties desist in their silly behaviors in this area.

I have only a few words to say about it. Here goes. Ratted hair. What? Why is it shaped like that? Are we meant to believe that their head is shaped like that? What is the goal of hair ratting? Because if it is to make prettier hair then we are failing at societal hair prettiness ideals. It is gross under all conditions. Unless maybe if you have some sort of head deformity you are trying to hide under there...

As an example of what ALL hair ratting ends up looking like, (Yes, all! I don't care if you think yours doesn't look like this. It does.) I present this video, which coincidentally is hilarious and you should watch the entire thing. (Mom, DO NOT WATCH IT! It has a bad swear at the end.) This guy's hair looks like a Utah/ Idaho girls.

Finally, a suggestion if you insist on having poofy hair: A hampster would make a fun "Bump-It".

After a long time without looking on Complaining Blog I returned to view it's whiney splendor and I realized something. Emily and I are super funny. So you're welcome everyone. And should you wish for Complaining Blog to continue to flourish, please persist in your assinine behavior and we will persist in complaining about it in super funny ways. See below for examples.