Complaining Blog

How lame is scrapbooking/cardmaking/stamping? Do I even really need to write about this? I know lots of ladies are really into this kind of stuff. Probably because they hate themselves and need some form of torture to punish themselves with. But they are too old for cutting and need something that will take insane amounts of time to fill the useless void that is their life. Also something that will cost a bazillion dollars. I have recently found myself obligated to make cards for people and I tell you what- it sucks. There is seriously no point! I could go down to Target and buy a pack of cards that would look ten times cuter, cost less, and be just as appreciated by the recipient. So why is my kitchen covered in scraps of paper, glue sticks, and "embellishments"? And I cannot stand looking at those scrapbook pages that have one teensy-tiny little picture on it and a million decorations and nick-nacks and creative wording like "fUn tiMeS!" If they really were "fun times" don't you think people would be able to tell that from looking at the picture? Probably not since the only picture has been covered up by some decorative paper. Maybe someday I'll figure this stuff out. Until then I will continue to resent everyone who participates in these kind of shenanigans.

A twelve hour drive (record time, by the way) and 50 degrees later I have arrived in Wyoming. WYOMING. I can't even get enough reception here to check my voicemail from my cell phone. This place is ridiculous. It was around 75 degrees when we left home. Now- around 25. It is painful to go outside! I can not make any sense of and never have been able to figure out why people settled in places like this in the first place. What the hell were the settlers of Wyoming thinking?! They must have been on some kind of crazy pioneer crack. That's the only explanation.

Dear Everyone,

What I want for Christmas is for you all to back off and let me spend the stupid holiday in the manner I find most pleasant. I would like for you to all stop being offended by the choices we (me and JP) make regarding our holiday visit and remember that the only reason we are desending from our warm, lovely haven into your frigid, crap-tacular locale is because we love you and want to see you. Really you should be grateful that we would go to all the trouble of making such an arduous journey instead of being mad that we won't be attending your yearly snow-angel making competition.

I put a great deal of effort into making this time of year as not horrible as possible and when you all are being retards it makes it much more difficult. I would appreciate some effort on your part towards the whole "not horrible" goal. Please stop making sneaky remarks or giving the silent treatment when we talk about our plans to visit you because you don't think we are doing it right. It's Christmas, damn it! Just be jolly- its not that hard!

Also for Christmas I would like a Pogo Stick and jeans that don't make my legs look like chicken drumsticks.

Love,
Melodie

There are many things that contribute to Christmas being my least favorite time of year. MANY things. But one of the big ones, especially now that I'm all married up, is familial holiday obligations.

I hate the fact that in order to talk to my sister who I have only spoken to twice in the past year I am going to have to piss off my in-laws. That isn't fair. I hate the fact that if I choose to not talk to my sister to appease the in-laws then my parents will be hurt and my sister will be hurt and I will also have to be at the in-laws house where they wake everyone up at 6 AM on Christmas morning with a 3,000 decibel version of the most heinous holiday song they can find. I hate that no matter what we choose to do someone is going to feel like we are choosing some one else over them and be mad. I hate alllllll this stuff.

Does no one realize that one of the big draws of moving kind of far was that I wouldn't have to deal with this stuff anymore? And now because I have moved far away everyone gets their panties more in a twist that we aren't equitable in who we spend our holiday time with.

I know that everyone on earth is self-centered sometimes, myself especially, but it seems like this time of year really brings that tendency out in people. It's like the fam thinks that we are deliberately choosing to ruin their holiday by spending more time with one family than the other, which, I would like to point out, could not be further from the truth. We are bending over backwards to try to accommodate everyone else's plans, they just can't see it because they are not getting exactly what they want. Ugh.

Next year I'm only visiting myself, in the insane asylum, because after this Christmas I'm sure I'll be crazy enough to be committed for life.