Complaining Blog

My closet is too small. Or I have too many clothes, but considering that I have never actually heard of people having too many clothes I don't think that can be a real problem. The problem is that I have a tiny stupid closet. I have already taken out all the clothes I am too fat for (there were many) and all the really really ugly stuff. Now I'm left with a closet that is still so full that I can't get out my cute, fitting properly clothes. I am going to punch this closet designer in the face. Who designs a closet that holds like 8 things? I can't wait to move. I am going to get a house with a 10 mile closet.

Why does everyone always say that marriage is so hard? Or that their first year of marriage was hard? Do they mean achieving actual married status was hard? Or to stay married once you are married is hard? Cuz all you have to do is not get divorced. Seems like more trouble to get unmarried than to stay married.


I just don't get it. Marriage isn't hard, marriage is awesome! Possibly because I have a perfect husband and the only thing that is hard with him is not being together every second, but I just don't understand when people say that marriage is hard. I've been doing this for nearly three years now, and I don't feel like it's really been hard at all. Am I doing it wrong or are they?


Probably when people say those things they are just being dramatic and want people to think that they have those fancy kind of tv fights where they thrown things and then have passionate make-up sex. Maybe they do have those kind of fights, but I don't know that dramatic fights would make your marriage very difficult or more glamorous. FYI- our marriage fighting style is generally bickering like my grandparents.


In conclusion- marriage is not hard. It is really easy like having a roommate that is your total bestie and you never get sick of each other and he/she never borrows your clothes without asking (or at all) and pays more than their fair share of utilities and groceries and- bonus- you get to doink. So what is everyone's beef?


*Afterthought: Maybe I am the annoying one in the relationship and my hub really would say that marriage is hard... No, wait. Me- annoying? Not possible. Nevermind. Marriage is still easy and fun.

What is the deal with the weather always sucking on the days that I want to go to seven peaks? It is like the world is conspiring against me making my first bikini appearance of the summer.

Sometimes when I tell people that their kids look just like them or their spouse, I do no mean it as a compliment. If someone is ugly you might think that they would consider this when showing off the pictures they took of their kids when they had just eaten strained peas. I'm sure they found it absolutely adorable at the time, but to me it just looks like their gross kid is even grosser than usual.

Why would God give us things like chocolate and then make it bad for us? I think it is all a cruel trick. Here are the pros to eating a diet of straight m&m's:
- Obviously: It tastes good!
- M&M's don't go bad like vegetables do. You can have the same package of m&m's in your bag for a month and it will still be okay to munch on them.
- They are so cheap compared to real food. You can buy the huge bag for like $3.
- So many pretty colors!
- Again, they taste so good!

Cons:
- You will get fat and perhaps die.
- Also if they are left out in the sun they sometimes get a little melty. But I would so rather eat melty chocolate than a hot salad. Have you ever tried to eat a salad that has been sitting in your hot car for an afternoon? Ew.

Now let's compare that to eating a "healthy" diet:
- Anyone who says they like eating salads more than candy is deluding themselves and probably putting so much dressing and stuff on it that it would have been just as healthy to eat candy!
- Vegetables go bad in a couple of days. They just don't have the shelf life that good over-processed candy does.
- You can't go to the store, buy one family size bag of lettuce and be able to live off of it for 3 weeks. You can't even keep it in your bag- you have to keep it in the fridge. Where is the convenience?

Pros:
- You won't get fat and die.

In conclusion we can clearly see that if you eat a diet of just m&m's you will be happy but fat. And if you eat just salad you will be miserable but skinny. Life is cruel.

It is becoming spring and I would like to submit my springtime opinion. I hate it. It's always tantalizing me with the possibility of warm weather only to plunge back into the depths of miserable cold again and again.

I only like it when it is actually nice weather, not nature's cruel tricks. Come on weather! When is it going to be nice outside? I have bike riding and laying out to do! Hurry up!

Use paragraphs. If you don't it just looks like one looooooong thought and it is impossible to read. Plus it makes you appear to be utterly incompetent when it comes to writing, and probably all thinking in general.

Isn't it nice to have things separated by the spacing of a paragraph? Even if you're not sure where to put them, just throw one in every couple of lines. It's better this way, really.

In conclusion, I hate short hair on girls. How long is it before it crosses that very fine line from short hair into old-lady hair? Not long. This is a short leap from a pixie cut people!

TV Reality love shows. Seriously? What kind of hard core retard would you have to be to go on a reality dating show and think that it's gonna work out?

Also I love The Bachelor! That's great t.v. If you don't mind people being retarded, that is.

Fat people should not be allowed out. I don't mean chubby people, I mean full on fat people. They take up too much space and are always clogging the walkways and rubbing up on me in tight spaces. Plus if they weren't allowed out to go to the grocery store they would eventually shrink enough to be classified as only chubby and would then be allowed out again. How long do you think a 300 pound person could live on just water and their fat?

It is just so so so nasty to see someone waddling around in their jersey pants and have to stand next to them and hear them huff and puff to reach the Cheetos or order their 5 big macs (not that I would ever really eat at McDonalds, that is just an image I picture about fat people.)
Also at the airport they are practically a death sentence if you are trapped in the same side of the airport as the terrorist bombers and they are clogging the line so you can't get through. Or if you are on the same plane as them and that plane goes down there is no way you are getting past them in the aisle.

Fatties are a nuisance to society and furthermore society is not designed to accommodate them. How do fatties even fit through a regular door? Not to mention the extra strain they put on the medical system. I bet doctors would have a ton more time to spend on regular people if fat people were not in there all the time with their weight related problems. Humorous/disgusting story about that here.

In conclusion fat people should have to lose weight or stay home. For my sake if not for their own. They are nasty.

P.S. I hope all you party-poopers out there realize that I am only writing this as a response to a particularly nasty bout of fat-person-rubbing-up-on-me and not because I really hope all fat people would be confined to their houses. So if you were considering thinking rude thoughts about me you can just not. Besides, don't pretend you don't think fat people are gross too.

Winter makes everyone look uglier. And fatter. Summer clothes are way cuter than winter clothes. How is there anything even remotely cute about a sweater? It's only deemed socially appropriate to wear something as ugly as a sweater because it's cold and we would die without it in this frigid misery. I'm starting to think I would rather die than wear stupid long pants and long sleeves every day. Yuck.