Complaining Blog

When people's side hair parts are like waaaaaaaaaayyyy to the side- FUGLY. Parts are supposed to be at the side of the top of the head, not the side of the side of the head, like in the pre-ear zone. That looks so dumb every time.

I'm a church going woman. I attend weekly, which is more church going than a lot of other people I know. But I'm not like, rabid for it. I don't do every activity and every single phone tree whatever and go to every church ladies function ever invented. And you know what? Now I'm a church loser because I don't do enough church stuff! I have been so blatantly snubbed by these churchy biotches just because I don't count the minutes until I can attend the next church ladies ordeal!

I go to Sunday ladies meeting and sit all alone every single week even though every woman in there knows me (it's not like I haven't been attending for over a year!) because I had the audacity to not attend the craft making meeting on Thursday or the Book Club on Tuesday or the Park Day on Wednesday OR the Mommy and Me on Friday AND to top it all off I didn't even go to Mid-Morning Workout on Monday, Wednesday and Friday! How dare I?! Now I have to snubbed about it.

I'm nice! Wouldn't you think that since I am not there at every single other thing there would be at least one person who would talk to me on Sunday since she hadn't seen me all week? Nope. I even try to nudge into other people's conversations politely, and they literally turn their backs on me. I don't mean figuratively, I mean actually turn around and box me out so they don't have to talk to me. Who does that? Churchy Biotches, apparently.

Also I would like to point out two other things. One- I have a friend who used to go to this church and then moved and she said the same thing, so she started going to all the extracurricular crap and suddenly had a million friends! So, verified by a second party. That makes it true for sure. Two- I have a job. That's why I can't go to every single thing. Plus I don't want to. Also, like half of the stuff is for people who have kids and I don't have any of those so naturally I can't go to those activities! Duh!

My current plan is to just stop going to that part of church. There are never treats anyway.

Target has the worstiest website! For a company that focuses so much on being "cool" and "hip" you would think they would have a better website. The layout is horrible. The organization is nonsensical. And it is soooo slow!!! I feel like whenever I click on something I want to look at the message is relayed via Morse code to a trailer in Wisconsin where a bevy of blue haired old ladies work. They translate the message ("oh my, this person wants to view those fine Mossimo pumps") and tell Merna whose in charge of Images to find that nice picture of the Mossimo pumps. Merna looks through her file folders until she finds "Mossimo Pumps" then she shuffles over to Blanche who is in charge of Relaying Messages and she enters in the code into her Morse code machine, all the while telling the other blue hairs about Gladys' Chicken Gelatin Divine recipe, and the picture is then loaded up so I can view it on my computer. Then I say "Those shoes are hideous. Maybe I'll look at a Liz Lange top." Then the whole process starts over again.

Um... I moved to California because it was supposed to be warm here. So, WHAT THE HELL?! Is anyone aware that it snowed here last week? I am about to punch this stupid state in the face.

My skin, stomach, and butt: Don't eat anymore Halloween candy! It will only bring you grief!

My mouth: But it's so tasty!

Yesterday during the dog's walk his face got bonked. Now his eye is all swollen and awful! He keeps looking at me with his sad, winky little eye and breaking my heart. Now I will have to break the street lamp pole he ran into.

I need a hair cut and I don't have a hair-do girl.

The kitchen isn't clean. Who keeps getting it dirty in there?

Sometimes I put on documentaries and such while I do house work. I got a documentary on Alexander the Great and it was the cheesiest lamest thing ever! They made the historians they interviewed dress up and act in the reenactments. Plus I think the "chariots" in the action parts were made of a cardboard box and silver lamé fabric. I know it is just my housework movie, but I still care if it is ridiculous!

I look like a sea cow.

Re-modeling is hard work and takes a long time. Also it can be expensive.

I don't have anything to wear with my dress for the party tomorrow.

Those are all the things I have to complain about right now.

The bad news is that it was so cold for me here today. Like freezing, with wind and chilly and cold legs. I shivered. I got goosebumps. I turned the heat up in my car and just sat there to try to warm up. It was unsuccesful. Lame!

The good news is that I have aclimated to my new climate so fully that I was freezing in the 60 degree weather that happened today.

I barfed today. A lot. It was horrible! Throwing up is the worst thing that was ever invented.

How is it possible that practically every thing I own has either broken or run out this week? Everything! Now I have to buy a new washer and dryer (yes, both) and all new face jellies and more milk. I don't want to buy all those things! Not all in one day anyway.

Sometimes I feel bad that I don't post on my actual blog more frequently. But then I blog-stalk other people and see the posts with pictures of the blogger and her girlfriends going toWal-Mart and trying on the ugly hats (or whatever other stupid, weird thing. The Wal-Mart hats are just an example). Then I think: "A: I am so glad that none of my friends want to do that and B: I am so glad that I don't have pictures of myself and my friends on the internet trying on the ugly Wal-Mart hats (or whatever other stupid, weird thing)".

I mean, what one person considers bloggable is obviously up to them and everyone will have different standards, but seriously, shouldn't what you share on your blog NOT be the thing you do on a Tuesday night when your husbands are all at ward basketball and there is nothing on tv and your already ate and you don't have an early job the next day and the house is clean and you don't have kids and you have nothing else in the world to possibly do except for go to Wal-Mart and make fun of the ugly stuff? Wouldn't you want to post about something that was like, an event? I guess the answer is no for some people.

This means sad things for me because if I haven't posted anything on my blog in while it is because I really haven't done anything fun and bloggable in a while, and am consequently totally boring. At least I don't blog about it. I would rather be a seldom posting blogger than post about the bruise I got from (fill in the blank) that looks like (fill in the blank).

This of course doesn't mean I won't read those types of blogs. I will just make fun of them in my head while I read them, like usual.

My husband doesn't like it when I wear like, eyeliner and stuff. Sometimes I don't want to have casual face on- I want to have fancy face on. But then he's like "Well look at you all..... eye make-upy and stuff! That's....... different."

Either he thinks I'm so pretty that I only need the teensiest of make up, or he thinks I'm so ugly that make up only accentuates the horrors. It's hard to know.

I Just Can't Seem to Look Away: Twilight

I hate Twilight. But I still went to see the movie today. Why? I don't know. I knew it would suck and I would make fun of it my head and sometimes out loud the whole way through. But I just couldn't help myself! It really is like a car wreck you guys.

I liked the books kind of. I thought they were entertaining-ish and easy reads and clean. They were not literary art or great writing or wonderful stories or any of the other things that make an ok story into a great book, but they were nice. But the movies are soooooo terrible! The acting! The scenery! The acting! The script! THE ACTING! It is all so bad that it makes my eyes water like when you eat something super sour and have to sneeze at the same time.