Complaining Blog

I barfed today. A lot. It was horrible! Throwing up is the worst thing that was ever invented.

How is it possible that practically every thing I own has either broken or run out this week? Everything! Now I have to buy a new washer and dryer (yes, both) and all new face jellies and more milk. I don't want to buy all those things! Not all in one day anyway.

Sometimes I feel bad that I don't post on my actual blog more frequently. But then I blog-stalk other people and see the posts with pictures of the blogger and her girlfriends going toWal-Mart and trying on the ugly hats (or whatever other stupid, weird thing. The Wal-Mart hats are just an example). Then I think: "A: I am so glad that none of my friends want to do that and B: I am so glad that I don't have pictures of myself and my friends on the internet trying on the ugly Wal-Mart hats (or whatever other stupid, weird thing)".

I mean, what one person considers bloggable is obviously up to them and everyone will have different standards, but seriously, shouldn't what you share on your blog NOT be the thing you do on a Tuesday night when your husbands are all at ward basketball and there is nothing on tv and your already ate and you don't have an early job the next day and the house is clean and you don't have kids and you have nothing else in the world to possibly do except for go to Wal-Mart and make fun of the ugly stuff? Wouldn't you want to post about something that was like, an event? I guess the answer is no for some people.

This means sad things for me because if I haven't posted anything on my blog in while it is because I really haven't done anything fun and bloggable in a while, and am consequently totally boring. At least I don't blog about it. I would rather be a seldom posting blogger than post about the bruise I got from (fill in the blank) that looks like (fill in the blank).

This of course doesn't mean I won't read those types of blogs. I will just make fun of them in my head while I read them, like usual.

My husband doesn't like it when I wear like, eyeliner and stuff. Sometimes I don't want to have casual face on- I want to have fancy face on. But then he's like "Well look at you all..... eye make-upy and stuff! That's....... different."

Either he thinks I'm so pretty that I only need the teensiest of make up, or he thinks I'm so ugly that make up only accentuates the horrors. It's hard to know.

I Just Can't Seem to Look Away: Twilight

I hate Twilight. But I still went to see the movie today. Why? I don't know. I knew it would suck and I would make fun of it my head and sometimes out loud the whole way through. But I just couldn't help myself! It really is like a car wreck you guys.

I liked the books kind of. I thought they were entertaining-ish and easy reads and clean. They were not literary art or great writing or wonderful stories or any of the other things that make an ok story into a great book, but they were nice. But the movies are soooooo terrible! The acting! The scenery! The acting! The script! THE ACTING! It is all so bad that it makes my eyes water like when you eat something super sour and have to sneeze at the same time.

You know what I think is disgusting? Prenatal photo shoots. Have we addressed this before? Because seriously, ew.

Why is it when I came into your salon and asked for my highlights to be touched up did you interpret that into "I would like my hair the ugliest most nondescript color of hair possible?" Furthermore, I don't recall asking for super choppy, chunky, chin-length layers. I thought I asked for a trim; so why is it I can barely fit all of my hair into a ponytail now? Also, did I mention when I came in that my friends and I would be getting together after for a Dynasty reenactment? Or that I might be stopping by Channel 5 to give the weather report? I didn't come in with helmet hair, so why am I leaving looking like a 1995 Miss America runner-up??? On top of all that, why do you feel the need to talk down to me about things like the brand of shampoo I use? You cut hair for a living! It's not like you are regarded as the sage of our society. Just some things you might want to consider.

Regards,

Emily

It's freaking hot. And I need some lip gloss.

It has come to my attention that some people are not aware of who exactly posts on compaining blog. There are two of us. Emily and Melodie. Perhaps we should start to sign our posts or something so that when Emily writes "My kids diaper smells like that soup from PF Changs! Boo!", then people won't be all confused because they didn't think I had any kids. I don't. That is all.

Love, Melodie

I'm annoyed of all the weird anti-snoring crap out there. Since when was a good hard elbow jab to the ribs not effective enough? Everyone is such babies.

We are currently searching for a house and I have been completely appalled at some of the houses we have gone through. So, since people obviously don't know these things on their own, here are some things that will ensure your house will never sell:

- Wood paneled rooms
- Horrible home paint jobs (just because you advertise it as "new paint" does not necessarily make it "good paint")
- Leaving your old crappy furniture in the house for "staging"
- DISNEYLAND! inspired bathrooms (I had to say it DISNEYLAND! and not like Disneyland because it was truly that obnoxious)
- Dirty bathtubs
- Giant man-eating cats guarding the front door
- Funky smells. Including mildew, mold, curry, smoke, animal, and general stank.

I could go on forever. But what it mostly comes down to is 1st: do you really think people will want to buy this place? and 2nd: how have you been living in this house when it is this disgusting?

We have recently become friends with some people who are kind of bad parents. I mean- they love thier little boy and everything, but they are just so dumb! Here is a list of stupid things we have seen them do:

1. Feed the boy fritos and 2 popsicles for dinner, then wonder why he is so wired.
2. Brush the boy's teeth by pinning him to the floor with one leg and one arm and cramming the toothbrush into his mouth with the other arm.
3. Lament to a crowd about the boy's disdain for fruit while the boy yoinks grapes off of some one's plate.

These people are super nice and I'm sure their kid will turn out great. It's just funny to watch.