Complaining Blog

We are currently searching for a house and I have been completely appalled at some of the houses we have gone through. So, since people obviously don't know these things on their own, here are some things that will ensure your house will never sell:

- Wood paneled rooms
- Horrible home paint jobs (just because you advertise it as "new paint" does not necessarily make it "good paint")
- Leaving your old crappy furniture in the house for "staging"
- DISNEYLAND! inspired bathrooms (I had to say it DISNEYLAND! and not like Disneyland because it was truly that obnoxious)
- Dirty bathtubs
- Giant man-eating cats guarding the front door
- Funky smells. Including mildew, mold, curry, smoke, animal, and general stank.

I could go on forever. But what it mostly comes down to is 1st: do you really think people will want to buy this place? and 2nd: how have you been living in this house when it is this disgusting?

We have recently become friends with some people who are kind of bad parents. I mean- they love thier little boy and everything, but they are just so dumb! Here is a list of stupid things we have seen them do:

1. Feed the boy fritos and 2 popsicles for dinner, then wonder why he is so wired.
2. Brush the boy's teeth by pinning him to the floor with one leg and one arm and cramming the toothbrush into his mouth with the other arm.
3. Lament to a crowd about the boy's disdain for fruit while the boy yoinks grapes off of some one's plate.

These people are super nice and I'm sure their kid will turn out great. It's just funny to watch.

Can we pass some sort of a law that crafts and sewing can only be used for good and not evil?

No, this is not a blog post about the actual act of procreation, though I know some of you were hoping for it (get your mind out of the gutter). This is a blog post about why don't people mind their own damn business? Here are some questions to never ask someone:

Why don't you have kids?
When are you going to have kids?
Are you trying to have kids?
When will you get pregnant?

Also don't say:
My kids are so annoying.
You should be grateful you don't have kids.
You should have kids so we can hang out.

If someone does not have kids it is none of your business why. Unless you are besties. Then you can ask.

The act of concieving, bearing, and raising children is so personal. If you are not absolute besties with someone you can't be asking questions like that! Too personal! If, in conversation, one party does not volunteer information on a personal issue (like bearing children) the other party ought not ask about it. That's manners. Also it is a good idea to think how your questions and comments might make the other party feel. Most of all it is a good idea to not be a dumbass, but apparently some people can't manage that.

I know I've said a jillion things about how lame I think it is when people have private blogs. But I just have this one last things to say about it and then I'm done forever. Or until I get the private blog screen on one I was totally curious about and am annoyed and have to blog-vent.

One big reason for people doing private blogs, it seems to me, is that they don't want pervs or weirdos looking at the pictures of their kids. So they make it private and only invite friends and family. Does it never occur to anyone that some of their friends or family might be pervs and weirdos? All the pervs and weirdos in the world are related to someone- what if it is to all the private bloggers? I wish that there were no grossies like that out there, but you know there are and you don't know who they are. Unfortunately there is no guarantee that allowing only people you know to see your blog will decrease the chances a perv will see it. You could be best friends with a grossie! You don't know! The world is full of freaks. So people should let everyone read their blogs and not delude themselves by thinking that their friends and families could never be crazy because they totally could be. But I hope they aren't.

Also if you are a perv or weirdo reading this blog, please stop. You are ruining blogging for everyone else.

And that is the last thing I will say about private blogs. Probably.

Do I even need to write anything? No. But I'm going to anyway because you know I've got something to say about this disgusting situation.

Reasons I hate "rompers":

1. Originally designed for babies. I think I have a picture of me wearing a romper when I was a baby, in fact. What's next, adult onesies? Probably.

2. Fat. Doesn't matter how skinny you are, you'll look fat in a romper.

3. The article of clothing in question is called such ridiculous names as "romper", "jumper" and "playsuit". How can you respect it with a name like that?

4. You have to take the whole business off if you want to go to the bathroom! Incovenient.

5. Butt ugly.

Hopefully rompers will soon go the way of trucker hats, gaucho pants, vests and business shorts, and we can all go into Urban Outfitters again without fear of our eyes turning into stone upon seeing another fugly romper.

Growing up my dad was a big-wig at the local hospital, so every time I went there I was treated like the boss's daughter (candy, toys, and a general effort to please me). Now I am just a regular patient and everyone is so rude! Where are the toys?! Why are they making me wait so long? Why are none of the nurses offering to take me to see the new babies?! When, for heaven's sake, will I be offered a some candy?!!

I have been tricked into thinking that hospitals were some fun land where everyone likes you. Turns out they are a not fun land where everyone puts needles and speculums in you. Lame.

Huzzah for the author of this list. I fully agree with the whole thing, despite being guilty of most. I'll work on having better manners while pondering how I would add to the list. Number 11 would for sure be discussing money or politics in mixed company- a particular beef of mine lately.

I think I might be getting old. Last week I went into the mall and actually left the store because the music was too loud. But now I can't decide if I am old or if the stores are just more lame.

Is playing music distractingly loud now among the criteria for being a hip retail store? I'm not asking for elevator music or anything, but I do feel like my ears ought not be assaulted when I want to buy a t shirt. For one thing the employees in that store are going to go deaf at an early age, plus that dang loud music inhibits my clothing judgement and being fearful of making a bad decision I end up buying nothing. Furthermore, if I, in desperation for a cute new clothing item, continue to shop at that store despite the ear splitting racket I tend to get grumpy and I do not feel like that is my fault. It's just too loud in there! How is anyone supposed to stay sane?

I have yet to make a thorough study of the matter but I believe there is a direct correlation between the volume of the music and the trendy/cheap ratio. However, lacking the proper tools to complete such a study (namely- a decibel meter) I am just going to ahead and assume that if a store carries kind of cute clothes for cheap it is too loud in there. Or possibly that I'm an old lady. Either way I can only shop at JC Pennys now.

I have a lot of bad dreams. They're usually not like, horror dreams where someone is chasing me or I have to wear harem pants or anything like that, but oftentimes awkward or uncomfortable happenings haunt me in the night. I've heard that dreams have something to do with your subconscious thoughts. If that is the case I have one craaaazy subconscious mind. Strangely, I still love to sleep.

Two nights ago I experienced the worst, worst, worstiest dream ever possible. Worse than scorpions dream, the teeth falling out dream, toilet snakes dream (sometimes I dream that there are scorpions and snakes in the toilet together- for some reason its always percieved an inconvenience during the dream rather than being super scary- still horrible), having to go on a date with another man even though I'm married dream, being lost dream, someone at work stole my lunch dream, even worse than the dreaded naked dream. The worst dream ever possible in humanity happened to me and this was it: I dreamt that I got with Michael Jackson.

Oh, it was so awful! He kept singing "I Just Can't Stop Loving You". It was with the mid-80's Michael Jackson that was after his first nose job, but before his 27th. Also, as would logically be the case if you were in this situation, there were stage lights going on- like strobes and disco lights. I can never ever explain how horrible it was. Uh, Barf! I need a brain scrubbing!

How dare my brain subject me to such horrible things?! Dreams are officially NOT COOL. I am considering investing in the world's largest dream catcher because I am not down with this kind of stuff! How did this even happen? Why? Why me?! Ew, it's so gross!!!

Dreams, you suck! Stop getting in my head and ruining everything!

Wow. This is too weird. Too absolutely damn weird. I don't even know what is happening here.