Complaining Blog

How lame is scrapbooking/cardmaking/stamping? Do I even really need to write about this? I know lots of ladies are really into this kind of stuff. Probably because they hate themselves and need some form of torture to punish themselves with. But they are too old for cutting and need something that will take insane amounts of time to fill the useless void that is their life. Also something that will cost a bazillion dollars. I have recently found myself obligated to make cards for people and I tell you what- it sucks. There is seriously no point! I could go down to Target and buy a pack of cards that would look ten times cuter, cost less, and be just as appreciated by the recipient. So why is my kitchen covered in scraps of paper, glue sticks, and "embellishments"? And I cannot stand looking at those scrapbook pages that have one teensy-tiny little picture on it and a million decorations and nick-nacks and creative wording like "fUn tiMeS!" If they really were "fun times" don't you think people would be able to tell that from looking at the picture? Probably not since the only picture has been covered up by some decorative paper. Maybe someday I'll figure this stuff out. Until then I will continue to resent everyone who participates in these kind of shenanigans.

A twelve hour drive (record time, by the way) and 50 degrees later I have arrived in Wyoming. WYOMING. I can't even get enough reception here to check my voicemail from my cell phone. This place is ridiculous. It was around 75 degrees when we left home. Now- around 25. It is painful to go outside! I can not make any sense of and never have been able to figure out why people settled in places like this in the first place. What the hell were the settlers of Wyoming thinking?! They must have been on some kind of crazy pioneer crack. That's the only explanation.

Dear Everyone,

What I want for Christmas is for you all to back off and let me spend the stupid holiday in the manner I find most pleasant. I would like for you to all stop being offended by the choices we (me and JP) make regarding our holiday visit and remember that the only reason we are desending from our warm, lovely haven into your frigid, crap-tacular locale is because we love you and want to see you. Really you should be grateful that we would go to all the trouble of making such an arduous journey instead of being mad that we won't be attending your yearly snow-angel making competition.

I put a great deal of effort into making this time of year as not horrible as possible and when you all are being retards it makes it much more difficult. I would appreciate some effort on your part towards the whole "not horrible" goal. Please stop making sneaky remarks or giving the silent treatment when we talk about our plans to visit you because you don't think we are doing it right. It's Christmas, damn it! Just be jolly- its not that hard!

Also for Christmas I would like a Pogo Stick and jeans that don't make my legs look like chicken drumsticks.

Love,
Melodie

There are many things that contribute to Christmas being my least favorite time of year. MANY things. But one of the big ones, especially now that I'm all married up, is familial holiday obligations.

I hate the fact that in order to talk to my sister who I have only spoken to twice in the past year I am going to have to piss off my in-laws. That isn't fair. I hate the fact that if I choose to not talk to my sister to appease the in-laws then my parents will be hurt and my sister will be hurt and I will also have to be at the in-laws house where they wake everyone up at 6 AM on Christmas morning with a 3,000 decibel version of the most heinous holiday song they can find. I hate that no matter what we choose to do someone is going to feel like we are choosing some one else over them and be mad. I hate alllllll this stuff.

Does no one realize that one of the big draws of moving kind of far was that I wouldn't have to deal with this stuff anymore? And now because I have moved far away everyone gets their panties more in a twist that we aren't equitable in who we spend our holiday time with.

I know that everyone on earth is self-centered sometimes, myself especially, but it seems like this time of year really brings that tendency out in people. It's like the fam thinks that we are deliberately choosing to ruin their holiday by spending more time with one family than the other, which, I would like to point out, could not be further from the truth. We are bending over backwards to try to accommodate everyone else's plans, they just can't see it because they are not getting exactly what they want. Ugh.

Next year I'm only visiting myself, in the insane asylum, because after this Christmas I'm sure I'll be crazy enough to be committed for life.

You know what sucks? Doing hard stuff. It way sucks.

Here are some things that "other people" do for fun. I will never do these things unless under extreme duress or unless I start to like things that suck. Feel free to add your thoughts. And don't be mad if there is something on here that you personally enjoy doing. It just means that you like things that suck , is all.
1. Volleyball. This hurts my arms. Plus those booty shorts aren't the most flattering things on my figure.
2. Sand Volleyball. As if regular volleyball couldn't get any worse. Now we have to add dirt. Gross.
3. Going for "a drive". What is the point of this? I imagine I would like this better if I didn't always get so carsick.
4. Camping. There is a reason our ancestors moved out of caves and built houses. Because living outside is not pleasant.
5. Running. I like being healthy(ish). There are better ways to do it. I would sooner set myself on fire then run for recreation.
6. Scary movies. This is my all time most unfavorite thing in the world. I HATE scary movies. They are so evil. I don't even like it when scary commercials come on TV when I am watching a show. I still have bad nightmares from watching Arachnophobia from when I was, like 10. Also from the scene in Little Mermaid when Ursula gets run into by the boat. That was scary stuff!

The following post comes from Mrs. Emily Ryan (formerly Day, click here for her blog), who is witty and funny and delightful. That's why I would accept a submission from her, but if you aren't funny don't even try to get me to post your complaints. I mostly only like when people say funny things and since most of you are totally boring and lame you have no hope of ever getting your pathetic complaints posted on this high-quality literary forum. Any of my thoughts are in italics after her bits. Thanks to Emily for her complaints. Here it goes.

1. You may have listed this before but I LOATHE when people WrItE LiKe ThIs. It's not cute, it's not amusing, it's freaking stupid. Seriously. Stupid. I'm going to go ahead and assume the majority of the population went to school and completed the state-mandated 12 grade levels. Somewhere along the line, you should have learned about pesky details such as punctuation and capitalization. At least I'm hoping so. It's really, really NOT cute. I believe I did write about this a while ago. The passing of time has only served to strengthen my feelings of disgust towards the use of improper spelling. I can understand an honest mistake- language is complicated and it can be hard to get it right every time, especially if you are studid. But at least try instead of attempting to pass off your ignorance as cutesy crap.

2. I know you've used this before, but it may need to be said again. No one wants to listen to your crappy music when they read your blog. If you have music on your blog, I'm not going to read it. It's a personal policy I've adopted. I don't want to hear the crap you listen to. Furthermore, if you music is crappy enough, I'm going to assume I shouldn't be your friend anyway because I prefer people with decent taste.

3. People who blog about nothing but their children. Seriously, I adore my children. However, I'm aware that not everyone else is as enamored with them as I am. Sure a post every now and then with photos of a birthday party, holiday celebration, a trip to the zoo or kindergarten graduation is perfectly acceptable. But if all I see every time I get on your blog is pictures from your semi-weekly trip to the park, then suffice it to say I've seen it before and I'm bored. Blog about something else. Tell the public something funny your kids did or said. Or really step out of the box and tell us something interesting about yourself. I mean, if you have nothing interesting to say about yourself, then I can't read your blog. Reading about nothing but everyone's kids is particularly boring for those of us who don't have children.

4. People who don't hang out with anyone but their siblings. I'm freaking sick and tired of people who's blogs and facebook status' (or is it stati?) only say "met my sissies for dinner" or "went shopping with my sisters today". If you haven't hung out with anyone but your sisters for the past year, guess what? No one likes you! Your personality sucks and chances are you AND your sisters are self-absorbed idiots who need to have a fat slice of humble pie and attempt to branch out a little. (I have a couple of people specifically in mind but I'll keep identities to myself) Uh Oh. I think this one is about me! But I still pretty much agree with it- it is pretty lame to not at least attempt to branch out, plus I will kill anyone who uses the words 'sissies' in real life.

5. People who find sick satisfaction in gossiping about anyone and anything. Pretty much if you're gossiping about people you don't even know that well, then you suck as a person. Furthermore, it's always the mudslingers who are the first to be butt-hurt when something is said about them. Whatever happened to "if you dish it out you better be able to take it". (again, someone in particular in mind)

6. People who blog about coupons. Seriously, I don't give a crap how much money you saved at Albertson's last week. And I absolutely do not need photographic evidence of the great deals. What do you want me to do? Send you a blue ribbon? I don't care about your finances or your coupons. I'd much rather read something interesting. Try something funny, if you're capable or humor. Scratch that, if you're blogging about coupons, humor is probably not your strong suit.

7. People who think Mormons are freaks. All of my co-workers are non-members. And they all used to think Mormons were some kind of sub-species of alien or something. Not actually alien, but until they met me, they thought Mormons were weird. I'll admit, some are. And those give the rest of us a bad reputation. So if you think Mormons are freaks, we're not. And if you're a Mormon who IS a freak, knock it off because you're ruining it for the rest of us. This goes for you Ms. Karen!!

I loathe when businesses change letters in words to make the name of the business "cuter". Like Beach Bumz. Why not just use an 's' like regular? Also I hate when people do that with names like instead of Wendy they have to turn it into Whyndi. Lame!

I wish that everyone would shut their yappers about us moving to California. You know, it's not like Utah is the only good place to live. There are other places that are nice, and despite the fact that they are not in Utah they are not imbibed with the spirit of the devil. There are nice places all over, and nice people all over, not just in "The Holy State".

I would like to take a moment to point out how many people there are that do not live in Utah, and how many of those people are not Satan's minions, swingers, drug dealers, or worst of all LIBERALS (heaven forbid). Furthermore, those people could move to Utah at only moment, and the seemingly impenetrable force of righteousness would be broken forever, threatening all the good folks here with temptations such as diversity, and different opinions. I can't imagine the terror that would cause.

I am excited to move! I am excited to meet new people and do new things! Especially now that Emily has gone an entire summer living in Detriotte without getting mugged or someone forcing her to look at porn. Quite the opposite in fact. I'm pretty sure it's been nice for them. So all those people (this means you residents of Nephi!) who have a beef with people moving out of Utah can suck it.

There are some terms of endearment that make me absolutely disgusted. I probably shouldn't hate them so bad because I know people are just expressing their feelings or some crap, but oh my gosh, could they use a less revolting term? Please? I'm ok with like pookie bear, or snuggle jugs or sweet heart dream boat cake or anything like that. But today I saw on some one's blog a picture of them that they had titled "Me and my lover". Ugh! Gross!!! The readers of this blog do not need to know that information. They have kids so it's pretty obvious, but I don't want them to draw my attention to the fact that they are like that. 'My lover', and 'making love' are the most disgusting possible things in the world. It reminds me of that SNL skit with Will Ferrill and that funny girl at the Welshly Arms and that is all I can think of when some one uses those terms.

As the recent recipient of my own brand-new, beautiful, precious baby girl I have been thrust into the world of bows, headbands, and all manner of baby accessories. While I do find it a necessity to adorn your baby girl in as feminine attire as possible (so as to avoid the dreaded "What an adorable little boy!") I think that there is a point when you have passed the point of making your little girl look cute and you are just making her look ridiculous. For example, if your baby cannot hold her head up because of the gigantor flower you attached to her crotched headband, you might want to consider if you are over-accsesorizing. The only time this is okay is if your baby is born with a serious case of man-face and you want to draw attention away from that. But, the baby in this picture (not my baby) looks totally cute. Why would her mother do this to her? And then try to make a business out of it by selling it on the internet? Bows this big make me think we might be seeing this little baby in 'Toddlers and Tiaras' in a couple of years. To all the mothers out there: proper accsesorizing begins at a young age. I love the headband-flower thing. In moderation. Let people look at your adorable baby girl, not her obnoxious headband.

Have you heard about this story? In situations like these I like to imagine what would happen if the races of the parties involved were switched. And you know what would have happened if that had been the case? Nothing. Not a damn thing, because white people aren't allowed to be paranoid about people mocking or judging their race, despite the fact that it is the only acceptable race to mock.

Other races are allowed to mock white people in every conceivable setting and it isn't considered inappropriate or racist. But blacks and Hispanics are allowed to pull out the race card because the pool they wanted to swim at figured out that it didn't have enough room to accommodate them safely*. And then they get to have a free trip to Disney World because they made a big deal out of it.

We have a black president who was raised in poverty by a single mother. Shouldn't this be some sort of evidence to people that race can no longer hold them back and therefore they don't need to be racist themselves? Apparently not. I think that secretly some people don't want racism to become a non-issue because they are enjoying the benefits of it too much.

Additional Thoughts: Now there is this story. Seriously? How is it ok for him to make such a huge deal about his neighbor just trying to keep their neighborhood safe? If you saw someone breaking into your house wouldn't you want them to call the police? He wouldn't show identification to the officer who came, and then was arrested for disorderly conduct. That happened like last summer to an old lady in Orem. This isn't a race thing- it's a case of him being so belligerent that he deserved to be arrested, but he pulled the race card and now the police are getting called 'stupid' by the president. I hope someone does break into that guys house and I also hope he kisses my butt for being such a jerk.

*Also apparently some kids made fun of them while they were there. I've got news- kids make fun of each other. One time I took Ben and Jonah to the park across the street from my house and they were playing with some Hispanic kids and when they got outnumbered by quite a few Ben started to yell "I'm surrounded by Spanish!" and then Jonah started to chime in too. So now are Ben and Jonah racist? Should they have to make some kind of big show about how horrible it was to say that and that they are so sorry and then those other kids get to go to free 7 Peaks because of it? Or perhaps were they just little kids playing?

Dear Everyone Who Is Still Boobing About Michael Jackson's Death,

I know that you are really sad (both emotionally and pathetic-ness-wise)about the passing of Michael J. I know that you think you had some sort of personal relationship with him because you liked his music. I know that you are checking the news to see what kind of tragic overdose or whatever he died from, and consequently you believe that you really care about his life.

I have news. You didn't actually know this person and he certainly didn't know you and if he had known you he wouldn't have been impressed with your childish fawning over his fame. Furthermore, being obsessed with the way in which he died is morbid and freaky and degrading to you both.

Stop discussing it on your blogs, your facebook, your online forums, and stop watching it on the news. When someone dies you are allowed to feel upset, but your level of grief must somewhat match your level of intimacy with that person. Having seen a video of that person on MTV when you were 6 is not adequate cause for wailing and gnashing of teeth at their passing.

If you really care about Michael Jackson or anyone else dying the best way to mourn them is in a dignified way. Not by posting about a stranger on your blog or reading all the gory details of their death online. Stop being a bunch of freaking weirdos! The rest of the world who is not obsessing over strangers would really appreciate it. You are grossing us out.

Kind Regards,

Melodie Anne

P.S. I beg all members of the media to desist their rumor-mongering about Michael Jackson and start reporting actual news. News, did you know they can grow sperm out of stem cells now? Probably not, because you were too busy focusing on a pedophiliac dead pop singer.

Why does everyone want to have private blogs? What exactly are they trying to keep private? The pictures of their kid with food on its face? Them in a bathing suit? Their trip to Lava Hot Springs? If it is so "private" don't blog about it!

Whatever. I'm just mad because it makes my blog-stalking more difficult.

The following was a comment from Annie that I felt was appropriate to post:

I have something to add to the complaining blog. I hate the word fabulous!! I especially hate when people use it for everything they eat, buy, see etc. AND, I also hate VINTAGE and all the people here who think they are so cool and being different because they "shop vintage". BARF, BARF, BARF!!!

Agreed. Fabulous is a total gay-persons word and can only be used in situations where using gay- people words is appropriate. Like at a Gay Pride Parade, or after watching a musical. Any other time is kind of just weird.


And vintage? Seriously? Since when was buying gross, old, ugly clothes ok? Since never. That's when. Furthermore, I hate when people dress weird and then say it is because they need to express themselves. If they need to "express themselves" so badly that they dress like freaks then they should consider expressing themselves to a therapist and just dressing regular. Vintage is just the desperate-to-seem-cool-persons way to say that they shop at D.I.

My closet is too small. Or I have too many clothes, but considering that I have never actually heard of people having too many clothes I don't think that can be a real problem. The problem is that I have a tiny stupid closet. I have already taken out all the clothes I am too fat for (there were many) and all the really really ugly stuff. Now I'm left with a closet that is still so full that I can't get out my cute, fitting properly clothes. I am going to punch this closet designer in the face. Who designs a closet that holds like 8 things? I can't wait to move. I am going to get a house with a 10 mile closet.

Why does everyone always say that marriage is so hard? Or that their first year of marriage was hard? Do they mean achieving actual married status was hard? Or to stay married once you are married is hard? Cuz all you have to do is not get divorced. Seems like more trouble to get unmarried than to stay married.


I just don't get it. Marriage isn't hard, marriage is awesome! Possibly because I have a perfect husband and the only thing that is hard with him is not being together every second, but I just don't understand when people say that marriage is hard. I've been doing this for nearly three years now, and I don't feel like it's really been hard at all. Am I doing it wrong or are they?


Probably when people say those things they are just being dramatic and want people to think that they have those fancy kind of tv fights where they thrown things and then have passionate make-up sex. Maybe they do have those kind of fights, but I don't know that dramatic fights would make your marriage very difficult or more glamorous. FYI- our marriage fighting style is generally bickering like my grandparents.


In conclusion- marriage is not hard. It is really easy like having a roommate that is your total bestie and you never get sick of each other and he/she never borrows your clothes without asking (or at all) and pays more than their fair share of utilities and groceries and- bonus- you get to doink. So what is everyone's beef?


*Afterthought: Maybe I am the annoying one in the relationship and my hub really would say that marriage is hard... No, wait. Me- annoying? Not possible. Nevermind. Marriage is still easy and fun.

What is the deal with the weather always sucking on the days that I want to go to seven peaks? It is like the world is conspiring against me making my first bikini appearance of the summer.

Sometimes when I tell people that their kids look just like them or their spouse, I do no mean it as a compliment. If someone is ugly you might think that they would consider this when showing off the pictures they took of their kids when they had just eaten strained peas. I'm sure they found it absolutely adorable at the time, but to me it just looks like their gross kid is even grosser than usual.

Why would God give us things like chocolate and then make it bad for us? I think it is all a cruel trick. Here are the pros to eating a diet of straight m&m's:
- Obviously: It tastes good!
- M&M's don't go bad like vegetables do. You can have the same package of m&m's in your bag for a month and it will still be okay to munch on them.
- They are so cheap compared to real food. You can buy the huge bag for like $3.
- So many pretty colors!
- Again, they taste so good!

Cons:
- You will get fat and perhaps die.
- Also if they are left out in the sun they sometimes get a little melty. But I would so rather eat melty chocolate than a hot salad. Have you ever tried to eat a salad that has been sitting in your hot car for an afternoon? Ew.

Now let's compare that to eating a "healthy" diet:
- Anyone who says they like eating salads more than candy is deluding themselves and probably putting so much dressing and stuff on it that it would have been just as healthy to eat candy!
- Vegetables go bad in a couple of days. They just don't have the shelf life that good over-processed candy does.
- You can't go to the store, buy one family size bag of lettuce and be able to live off of it for 3 weeks. You can't even keep it in your bag- you have to keep it in the fridge. Where is the convenience?

Pros:
- You won't get fat and die.

In conclusion we can clearly see that if you eat a diet of just m&m's you will be happy but fat. And if you eat just salad you will be miserable but skinny. Life is cruel.

It is becoming spring and I would like to submit my springtime opinion. I hate it. It's always tantalizing me with the possibility of warm weather only to plunge back into the depths of miserable cold again and again.

I only like it when it is actually nice weather, not nature's cruel tricks. Come on weather! When is it going to be nice outside? I have bike riding and laying out to do! Hurry up!

Use paragraphs. If you don't it just looks like one looooooong thought and it is impossible to read. Plus it makes you appear to be utterly incompetent when it comes to writing, and probably all thinking in general.

Isn't it nice to have things separated by the spacing of a paragraph? Even if you're not sure where to put them, just throw one in every couple of lines. It's better this way, really.

In conclusion, I hate short hair on girls. How long is it before it crosses that very fine line from short hair into old-lady hair? Not long. This is a short leap from a pixie cut people!

TV Reality love shows. Seriously? What kind of hard core retard would you have to be to go on a reality dating show and think that it's gonna work out?

Also I love The Bachelor! That's great t.v. If you don't mind people being retarded, that is.

Fat people should not be allowed out. I don't mean chubby people, I mean full on fat people. They take up too much space and are always clogging the walkways and rubbing up on me in tight spaces. Plus if they weren't allowed out to go to the grocery store they would eventually shrink enough to be classified as only chubby and would then be allowed out again. How long do you think a 300 pound person could live on just water and their fat?

It is just so so so nasty to see someone waddling around in their jersey pants and have to stand next to them and hear them huff and puff to reach the Cheetos or order their 5 big macs (not that I would ever really eat at McDonalds, that is just an image I picture about fat people.)
Also at the airport they are practically a death sentence if you are trapped in the same side of the airport as the terrorist bombers and they are clogging the line so you can't get through. Or if you are on the same plane as them and that plane goes down there is no way you are getting past them in the aisle.

Fatties are a nuisance to society and furthermore society is not designed to accommodate them. How do fatties even fit through a regular door? Not to mention the extra strain they put on the medical system. I bet doctors would have a ton more time to spend on regular people if fat people were not in there all the time with their weight related problems. Humorous/disgusting story about that here.

In conclusion fat people should have to lose weight or stay home. For my sake if not for their own. They are nasty.

P.S. I hope all you party-poopers out there realize that I am only writing this as a response to a particularly nasty bout of fat-person-rubbing-up-on-me and not because I really hope all fat people would be confined to their houses. So if you were considering thinking rude thoughts about me you can just not. Besides, don't pretend you don't think fat people are gross too.

Winter makes everyone look uglier. And fatter. Summer clothes are way cuter than winter clothes. How is there anything even remotely cute about a sweater? It's only deemed socially appropriate to wear something as ugly as a sweater because it's cold and we would die without it in this frigid misery. I'm starting to think I would rather die than wear stupid long pants and long sleeves every day. Yuck.

Seriously, whose idea was it, as a settler or nomad or whatever, to make their home in a place that was not warm? Why would a person who is wandering all over the earth anyway stop in a horrible place, thus setting the precedent for a vast population of people to inhabit the horrible place? I will never understand why, if there are nice places on the earth, people live by choice in the not nice places.

Basically I'm just complaining that the weather sucks. I hate winter and snow and days that the sun never shines. Poo poo poo on the poor weather.

There is nothing I despise more than standing in line. Really, is there anything in life more degrading than being forced to huddle together and slowly proceed to your destination like a bunch of cattle being herded? And it is never to anything cool; lines always lead to something like a cheap buffet or the cranky lady at the DMV. You know that those cashiers in the grocery store feel such a power trip when there is a line in their aisle. They know that they could close their register at anytime and then what would happen to the line? Everyone has to run as fast as they can to get in line somewhere else. It is quite humiliating. I doubt that celebrities or royalty ever have to submit to line-standing. It is something only "commoners" do. But the worst thing are people who stand too close to you in line. I am not kidding, I have had people nudge me repeatedly with their guts in an effort to get me to move up in line. Do they not understand how a line works? Do the think that if they are not standing directly on me there will be a sudden rush for their spot in line? Sometimes when people are standing too close to me I will start singing that song "Don't Stand So Close To Me." Not loud, just loud enough so the too-close stander can hear. Also I will stand way, way far back from the person in front of me because I know it bugs the person behind me. And so that they will learn proper line-standing etiquette.

Only two days ago I was in the sunshine in a bikini and I loved, loved, loved it. Today it was too cold outside for the elementary school kids to go out for recess. Only four hours apart by car, these locations were, but so many more miles apart in misery. I'l never understand how I made myself come back home. Or how I will make it to August before I move to a reasonable climate. Uugghhh. Stupid cold weather.

I have fairly small feet. It seems like there are a lot of girls who share this fate, but if that is the case why are there never shoes my size in stores? There are a lot of us who will buy them! Either everyone on earth gets to the store before I do, or not enough small shoe sizes are begin made. Any way it goes down it's bad news for me.

The worst part about the laundromat is that no matter what kind of detergent and dryer sheets you use, the clothes always come back smelling like poor people. Not to mention all the lugging clothes about and homeless people asleep in the back.

There is no proper weight for a celebrity to be. Everyone makes a big deal that they are anorexic if they are too skinny, but if they show even an ounce of womanly figure they are 'pregnant'. Then if they get kind of fatty they have to do a special in People Magazine about their weight problems, the the celebrity hires a personal trainer and loses a million pounds in a week and then there is another People Magazine special about how they lost all the weight. This is the most retarded thing to occupy one's mind and the fact that I even know about it frosts my cake. Personally I think it's healthier to err on the side of too skinny. It's easy for me to say that because I'm fat, so I don't have to worry about the health problems that come from being too thin. However, I would really prefer for people to just be mocked no matter what their weight is.

Being flat chested.
Bra shopping is the hardest thing ever. Why doesn't any bra manufacturer understand the plight of the small bosomed woman? My experience leads me to believe that all bras are made in a C cup size and then they take the same design and make it with a smaller cup, but the same shape of cup does not apply to an A as it does to a C. I have boobie needs here people! They consist of the following:

• Much padding, that will not get lumpy upon the first washing
• Very adjustable straps (my boobs are weirdly high ...I think that is what you would call it. I'm not sure. All I know is the straps are always too long so my boobs just kind of dangle in there, with and inch of space left at the bottom of the bra, which is where my boob should be.)
• Durability. Again with the washing thing. I do not appreciate a brazier that falls apart and gets all stretchy if it gets washed. I can handle air drying them, but I refuse to hand wash my bras. Too much time, plus it seems gross.
• Padding on the front, not just the bottom. I think bra makers are assuming that I have something to push up, but I'm buying an A cup, folks. I don't have anything to push up. I get the padded so it willl look like I do, but then the padding is all in the bottom, so it just makes my boobettes look like they are flat and longer and it is wierd.
• No itchy tags. The hardest part of my life might be itchy tags. Even if I try to cut them out they seem to leave that little bit of extra itchy fabric that the scissors can't reach without cutting the fabric.

If anyone finds this bra, do let me know. Also I should stipulate that I don't want it to cost a bojillion dollars either. I don't have a lot to spend because I'm saving up for a boob job.