Complaining Blog

Dear Mexi-man in the swimming and hot-tub area of 24 Hour Fitness,

Grey boxer briefs do not count as a swimsuit. Not at all.

Sincerely Grossed Out,

Melodie

P.s. Are you by any chance employed as a leaf-blower? If so, my angry fists have a message for you.

Preliminary side note: When Justin was little he always said that when he grew up he wanted to be a doctor's office or a pair of pajamas. Weird.

I need to go to the doctor. I need some prescriptions renewed and have for some time and I keep putting it off. Because here's what it's like going to the doctor:

Step 1: Call for an appointment. Girl answers the phone. "It looks like we have an opening in October of next year in the middle of the work day- would you like that appointment?" Me: "Do you have anything earlier in the day?" Her: "Our next opening is in January of 2 years post-apocalypse. You'll need to bring your own anti-radioactivity and zombie protective gear. It's at 9am".  Me: "I'll take it!"

Step 2: Wait x years. Put on my foam suit (I got the pattern from Judy) and go to the office. Go extra early to ensure adequate time to navigate the maze and find "Suite 8009.7b". Find office, check in, fill out 29 different papers saying that I will agree to arbitration should the doctor be incompetent, and 134 pages of medical history, all with that little pen with the giant gerber daisy taped to it.

Step 3: Man who smells of pee sits next to me and coughs up furballs, despite the 13 empty chairs in the room. Mexican lady's kids have licked all the magazine's so I can't find out what Cosmo thinks are the 10 hottest things to say to your pool-boy.  After four hours it's my turn to go back.

Step 4: I do not even need to mention the horrors of getting on the scale. Skip straight to when they take me into the doctor room, where I wait another 2 hours. I'm never sure if I'm supposed to sit on the table thats covered in paper, or if I'm allowed to just sit in the chair, or if I can sit on the doctor's spinny stool until he gets there. Luckily there is plenty of time for me to try all three, and sneak some cotton balls into my purse before the doctor gets there.

Step 5: I tell the doctor "These are the prescriptions I want. Please." He says "You probably have either bubonic plague or women's polio. I'm going to need to send you for some tests before I can fill those prescriptions."

Doctors Office, Part 2 coming soon, detailing the gremlin lady who draws my blood for her vampire overlord, and the cost thereof.

Dear Mexi-man,

Since you found it incumbent to weed-whack right outside my bedroom window at the first light of day this morning, I am going to be using that weed-whacker on your stupid face.

Sincerely,

Melodie

P.S. This sentiment also applies to leaf-blowing. I will seriously kill you.

Lets pretend for a moment that you were really committed to... I don't know- becoming an exclusively "tasteful nudes" family photagrapher. You can imagine whatever you want. Just something that is an untraditional and possibly a dumb choice. If you were totally commited to doing it and thought it was the best idea ever, would you care what anyone else said about it? OR, would you get totally defensive and upset when anyone mentioned "Huh, tasteful nude family photographer. That's an unsual choice."? Because if you really thought that it was a great idea, why would you care so much what other people thought?

In case you couldn't tell, I'm having a beef right now with people who make stupid/unusual choices, then get mad when other people remark upon their choice. If they think it such a great idea and have a 37 reasons to back up why it such a great idea, then why must they write an angry blog post about how stupid we all are for not agreeing with their choice? I JUST DON'T GET IT!

If one intentionally chooses the stupid choice, knowing that there are other options out there but they choose stupid anyway, they just need to be cool with the fact that they chose stupid and everyone knows it. There can be no "You are all stupid for not building your home business as a tasteful nudes family photographer" bloggy word vomits. If they need to get all defensive about their choice then maybe they aren't as comitted to it as they are blogging that they are, which makes them look stupid for doing their stupid thing in the first place.