| 11:38 AM |
Doctors Office, Part 1 |
Preliminary side note: When Justin was little he always said that when he grew up he wanted to be a doctor's office or a pair of pajamas. Weird.
I need to go to the doctor. I need some prescriptions renewed and have for some time and I keep putting it off. Because here's what it's like going to the doctor:
Step 1: Call for an appointment. Girl answers the phone. "It looks like we have an opening in October of next year in the middle of the work day- would you like that appointment?" Me: "Do you have anything earlier in the day?" Her: "Our next opening is in January of 2 years post-apocalypse. You'll need to bring your own anti-radioactivity and zombie protective gear. It's at 9am". Me: "I'll take it!"
Step 2: Wait x years. Put on my foam suit (I got the pattern from Judy) and go to the office. Go extra early to ensure adequate time to navigate the maze and find "Suite 8009.7b". Find office, check in, fill out 29 different papers saying that I will agree to arbitration should the doctor be incompetent, and 134 pages of medical history, all with that little pen with the giant gerber daisy taped to it.
Step 3: Man who smells of pee sits next to me and coughs up furballs, despite the 13 empty chairs in the room. Mexican lady's kids have licked all the magazine's so I can't find out what Cosmo thinks are the 10 hottest things to say to your pool-boy. After four hours it's my turn to go back.
Step 4: I do not even need to mention the horrors of getting on the scale. Skip straight to when they take me into the doctor room, where I wait another 2 hours. I'm never sure if I'm supposed to sit on the table thats covered in paper, or if I'm allowed to just sit in the chair, or if I can sit on the doctor's spinny stool until he gets there. Luckily there is plenty of time for me to try all three, and sneak some cotton balls into my purse before the doctor gets there.
Step 5: I tell the doctor "These are the prescriptions I want. Please." He says "You probably have either bubonic plague or women's polio. I'm going to need to send you for some tests before I can fill those prescriptions."
Doctors Office, Part 2 coming soon, detailing the gremlin lady who draws my blood for her vampire overlord, and the cost thereof.
I need to go to the doctor. I need some prescriptions renewed and have for some time and I keep putting it off. Because here's what it's like going to the doctor:
Step 1: Call for an appointment. Girl answers the phone. "It looks like we have an opening in October of next year in the middle of the work day- would you like that appointment?" Me: "Do you have anything earlier in the day?" Her: "Our next opening is in January of 2 years post-apocalypse. You'll need to bring your own anti-radioactivity and zombie protective gear. It's at 9am". Me: "I'll take it!"
Step 2: Wait x years. Put on my foam suit (I got the pattern from Judy) and go to the office. Go extra early to ensure adequate time to navigate the maze and find "Suite 8009.7b". Find office, check in, fill out 29 different papers saying that I will agree to arbitration should the doctor be incompetent, and 134 pages of medical history, all with that little pen with the giant gerber daisy taped to it.
Step 3: Man who smells of pee sits next to me and coughs up furballs, despite the 13 empty chairs in the room. Mexican lady's kids have licked all the magazine's so I can't find out what Cosmo thinks are the 10 hottest things to say to your pool-boy. After four hours it's my turn to go back.
Step 4: I do not even need to mention the horrors of getting on the scale. Skip straight to when they take me into the doctor room, where I wait another 2 hours. I'm never sure if I'm supposed to sit on the table thats covered in paper, or if I'm allowed to just sit in the chair, or if I can sit on the doctor's spinny stool until he gets there. Luckily there is plenty of time for me to try all three, and sneak some cotton balls into my purse before the doctor gets there.
Step 5: I tell the doctor "These are the prescriptions I want. Please." He says "You probably have either bubonic plague or women's polio. I'm going to need to send you for some tests before I can fill those prescriptions."
Doctors Office, Part 2 coming soon, detailing the gremlin lady who draws my blood for her vampire overlord, and the cost thereof.
2 comments:
This was seriously one of the funniest and most accurate blog posts I have ever read. Well done.
Wow, I laughed so hard. All so true! (I especially loved the foam suit shout out!) Also, seriously, so true!!
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